I cried. I was too young to have babies. I still had so much to do. I hadn’t traveled the world yet. I never went to college. I was still just a cashier. How was this possible?!
The last was a silly question. I knew how it had happened. Just as I had known I was pregnant as soon as it was over. It was a moment of clarity among muddled and murky thought. August 30, 2005. Strange that I should remember such dates. They will stay with me forever though.
Just like May 2, 2006. The day I was supposed to go in for an induction, she decided to finally show up. Only 6hours and 26mins before my appointment. 2:34am and after intense labor pains, starting the day before around 4am, and after an epidural, and 45 minutes of pushing, she arrived.
My world was forever altered. Here was this tiny (6lbs 2oz), squirming baby girl. She was mine. I named her Jillian Mackenzie because that was the name Jen and Greg picked out. I had originally picked either Emily Diane or Amaya Gen.
The moment I saw her getting cleaned and checked out, trying to “see” me, attempting to crane her head towards my voice, I knew I had never loved someone so deeply. I never knew my heart had that capacity! I don’t think you can truly understand how much a parent loves their child(ren) until you become a parent.
Suddenly you put yourself on the back burner, and regardless of your wants or needs, there is this tiny being that is more important. You will never rest peacefully, because part of you will be constantly worrying over everything they are doing. Attempting to ensure their safety and happiness above all else.
When Jillie started calling me “Mummum” at 5 months, I realized this: I am someone’s Mommy. That. Is. Huge.
haha she still looks exactly the same.
ReplyDeleteShe's going to be like me, and in 26 years, she'll still look essentially the same! Hahahaha!
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