Finding someone I really deeply love and care for was always something I didn't believe I even deserved. When I was younger, I was certainly not the best girlfriend. My boyfriends weren't necessarily that great to me either. I was cheated on, and I cheated on others. They had addictions, and said things that were awfully hurtful. I am certain that I said things that were just as hurtful. I went on dates, and critiqued things about others that were unfair judgments. It wasn't all bad. I have a small box of keepsakes. A little brass locket from my first boyfriend. A scratch drawing of a blue heron. Drawing and notes and pictures. Things that seemed extraordinary and insignificant all at once. Now, however, what I posses from my current love, is his heart. I cherish it, above anything you could find in my little keepsake box. I have a pretty ruby ring on my left hand ring finger. He tells me all the time how much he loves me, and how much he loves my little girl.
Jillie and I want to keep him too. We have a great life. Not even remotely close to perfect, we fight and make up. We have problems that we have to deal with and find solutions to. We have hopes and dreams and desires for the future. We laugh together, and sometimes even cry together. Life is complicated, and messy and tangled and fascinating. Things always end up working out though. One way or another.
Truthfully, I'm finally settled. Happy and optimistic usually, but settled. I don't know what lies ahead, and I think I'm finally OK with that. I am just letting myself enjoy the ride. I'm letting myself feel everything and experience everything that life has waiting for me. I am surrounded by people that are loving and supportive. I am reconnecting with people I thought I lost. I am me. I finally feel like that's enough. ^.^
